November 27, 2010
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So, I haven’t posted in a long time. And I had a whole long post that I handwrote explaining why.
But it was a lot of whinging about nothing, and talking about how I have a physical disability and mental illness that makes it hard to do anything that isn’t school, including blogging. And I was afraid to go into detail because of potential backlash saying these disabilities should prevent me from being a nurse. They can’t and they won’t – I have chronic depression, OCD and a series of weird physical problems including optic neuropathy and complicated migraine. They are all kicking my ass right now. But this is a particularly bad time for all four, because the wintery season is the worst in the world for me, and none of these things are stopping me from doing the things I need to do.
They’re stopping me from doing the things I want to do, which is why I have no life. I’m having a lot of problems with one hard science course in particular having to do with how confusing the fill-in-the-blank-only testing format is, and major test anxiety on my part that hits anytime something isn’t multiple choice (my classes that have NCLEX format exams? wonderful! I do fantastically, even with write-ins. This class? Bad bad bad news.) and am therefore spending every spare moment that is not in classes or clinical studying for this course and attempting to best the anxiety and memory difficulties caused by the anxiety.
So it’s hard to post about things, from my ridiculous commute to clinical to how awesome my nursing lab is to how much the sliding filament theory is a bummer to recite when life, grades and the weather have me down, but I’m still here. Hibernating under a pile of textbooks, maybe, but still here.
It’s dumb to say “I’ll update my school blog when finals are over,” but until this one class is gone and gone forever that’s what it looks like I’ll be doing.